Organised chaos

Organised chaos in mind.

I am still not writing. Read with critique mind, write with conscious mind, they said.

Logged out Fb and Insta account in the phone, so this is where I hang out when I am distracted. Not to forget the beginner's mind set. JUST DO IT.

Okay enough of talking about doing it, it is useless until I read and write.

Before I go, just wanna talk about my badminton session experience last night. It was supposed to be fun when new people wanna join our session to play together. But it get scary when their body language, and verbal language are somewhat aggressive. I am not sure if it is because the HSP thingy makes me think so much or I was simply thinking too much about it. But one thing for sure, I wasn't comfortable with them at all. Sports isn't supposed to be like this. The unfriendly stares, the scary way of celebrating, the way they talk to partners, I was so in fear that I cried myself to bed last night.

It was awful. The fact that I might not see them again in the future is not helping to sooth the fear and mind. The fact that I am already feeling unsafe in an environment that is supposed to be safe scared the hell out of me. But you don't understand, and I couldn't blame you. It is my bubbles, sometimes it is almost impossible for others to understand my world. But you told me I can be safe and tell you everything. But you weren't listen. You took it way too lightly. Just for a second, put yourself in someone's shoes. Mean it when you tell people they can come to you when they need you. Mean it please. Or else don't offer at all. I am still safe with myself. Human, take good care of yourself.

Signing off. Ciao.