Trapped in a bubble

The frequency

I have no idea how did I get myself to this point, where I constantly reflect on my happiness. 

I feel a tonne of feelings.

I am reluctant to reply messages, I don't want to know things going around me. I feel responsible to it. Their happiness, their problem, their children. I don't know since when that I wish they don't see me anymore. 

I want to put myself to sleep and I am aware that is me running away from problems and avoiding conflicts with people in my life. Till a point that I don't think I deserve happiness. When they saw I am happy, do they feel like they want to tell me how unhappy they were to make me share my happiness to them?

Bruises is what I feel. I don't know how, and I don't feel connect to people anymore. It is either me being too arrogant to think it is possible for people to understand me, or not wanting people to understand my bubbles.

I feel trapped. Very. All I want is just people who truly care about me reach out to me. I dare not to ask, I am the one supposed to be fine.

Nevertheless, I am grateful being alive. Ciao.